The Real Reason why the Internet Exists
by MycatISLordTubbington
Summary: When paired for a duets project Rachel and Puck end up in a heated debate and make a bet.
1. A Bet is Made

**A/N **This was written the summer before Season two aired. Spoilers go until that point I suppose.

**Warnings: **Language, verbal sexual comments, excessive use of the word Porn, minor Rachel bashing.

**Disclaimer **You caught me, I'm ryan murphy. O wait *looks in mirror* no I'm not. I'm a teenage girl up at 3am writing fanfiction. So, yeah, don't sue me.

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><p>"Alright guys," Mr. Schuester said that happy-go-lucky, look-at-me-I'm-on-crack, smile on his face, "I've got a new assignment for you all." He walked to the board and in large letters TECHNO.<p>

"This week you're assignment is to preform, not a song of the techno genre, but rather a song that explores technology itself.

Immediately Rachel's hand shot into the air; not bother to wait for Mr. Schue to call on her she said, "Mr. Schuester, although your little tangents have led to some interesting numbers in the past, your recent obsession with being 'hip' is really going too far." She made air quotes around the word hip with her fingers as she continued, "While I understand there are some decent songs about technology that would be suitable I do not see this as working out well. I'm making a motion to reverse this assingnment, instead maybe we could sing about the past. A sweeter, simpler, more peaceful time for all"

"You mean before you learned how to speak" Santana asked sarcastically, "I think we can make this assignment work, it'll be nice to have a challenge for once"

"Agreed," Kurt said "just because Rachel is adverse to anything that isn't boring and outdated, as is clearly displayed by her wardrobe, that doesn't mean the rest of us are too."

"I never thought I'd say this….but I kind of agree with Kurt." Puck said with a look of disbelief on his face.

"Sorry Rachel," Mr. Schue said, not really looking sorry at all, "but majority rules. However, as you pointed out the song choices are limited for this assignment so I'm going to have you work in pairs."

Everyone nodded in agreement until they saw Mr. Schuester pull out the infamous Hat of Fate; slowly but surely each student made there way to the hat to pull a name. As more kids pair up Rachel became more nervous, ever since matt transferred schools they had an odd number of students and she did _not_ like the thought of working with Mr. Schuester again.

"Rachel, your turn to choose." Mr. Schue said holding out the Hat. Rachel stepped forward and drew a name, stage smile fully in place. Her smile quickly faded when she read the name on her paper.

"Puck"

"_No. Nonononono. This is NOT happening."_ She thought to herself, "_ok, calm down Berry. Even Barbra must have dealt with difficult co-workers before. You are a star and you can make this work"_

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><p>"Noah, what are you doing?" Rachel demanded from where she was sitting in the auditorium.<p>

"Looking for a song, same as you" Puck replied, trying to shield his laptop screen from her prying eyes.

"No you aren't," she said craning her neck to see his monitor, "You're watching- ew! You're watching porn!"

"Well it keeps me form thinking about how much you annoy me."

"Horrible comebacks aside, you are supposed to be finding a technology song."

"I am, the videos have background music. Plus it's online; we wouldn't even have the internet if it wasn't for porn."

"What on earth inspired that moronic theory?"

"Face it," puck said closing his laptop, "all those brilliant guys who came up with the internet were probably just a bunch of geeks who couldn't get a chick of their own and wanted an easier way to get jack-off material at home."

"That is disgusting and you are a perv." Rachel stated matter-of-factly.

"Am not!"

"Yes, you are. Decent people don't spend all their free time watching other people have sex."

"Oh really," Puck said' "I bet I could find at least ten people, easy, who'll admit to purposely watching porn sometime in their life."

"I'm sure you could," Rachel quipped, "but they would all be horny jocks like you."

"Everyone in Glee club," Puck said after a moment of thought, "I say that I could get all of them to admit to watching it. Everyone except you, the club prude; I could even work our assignment into it all"

Well, Rachel Berry was not about to be called a prude by somebody as mentally and sexually disturbed as Noah Pucker man; and it would help get the song done. She put her hands on her hips and stepped towards the smirking boy in front of her,

"Bring. It. On."


	2. And a Song is Sung

**A/N: **O my grilled cheezus! All you wonderful people who have alerted/favorite/reviewed make me so happy! Unfortunately this is the last chapter (I'm not good with long stories) but you all have definitely inspired me to post other stories. I love you all, enjoy 3

**Disclaimer: **Glee=not mine. I also don't own Avenue Q or anything related or affiliated with it.

**A/N (again) :**_ Italic is Rachel singing_

_**Bold Italics is Puck singing**_

_**Bold underlined italics is everyone**_

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><p>Rachel brushed down her pleated purple skirt carefully as she made her way to the front of the choir room. The prior performances were…acceptable, Kurt and Quinn had put together a nice rendition of Videophone by Beyoncé; and Artie and Mike did very well with Mr. Roboto by Styx, among others. But despite Noah's delusional plans to ruin her *ahem* <em>their <em>performance, he was nowhere in sight. No matter of course, she's Rachel Berry; her talents are much better featured solo. She was sure to be wonderful.

"Fellow Glee clubbers," she began her opening "despite my original feelings towards this assignment, I am a strong believer in always giving every performances 120% so-"

"I'm sorry Rachel," Mr. Schuester interrupted, "but where is Puck?"

"He's MIA at the moment Mr. Schuester but as they say the show must go on. I am perfectly capable of doing the song alone. Anyways as I was saying, I decided to just jump straight into this and show you all that I am not as objected to new experiences as you may believe. So I decided to do this project on something modern, something relevant, The Internet." The piano began behind her and she sang,

_The Internet is really really great_

Suddenly and electric guitar screamed behind her and Puck's husky voice sang from the doorway

_**FOR PORN**_

"Damn it, what is he doing." Rachel thought to herself. The piano began again and she continued

_I've got a fast connection so I don't have to wait_

_**FOR PORN**_

Now she was annoyed, she sang louder

_There's always some new site_

_**FOR PORN**_

_I browse all day and night_

_**FOR PORN**_

_It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light_

_**FOOOR PORN!**_

Puck wandered into the room, sporting his black electric guitar, no shirt, and his signature smirk as he sang

_**The internet is for porn**_

"Noah" Rachel screeched

_**The internet is for porn**_

What are you doing?

_**Why do you think the net was born**_

_**Porn porn porn.**_

"Noah!"

"Oh" he smiled and waved innocently, "hi Rachel"

She put her hands on her hips and stated, "You are ruining the song"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean too" Puck said pouting his lips

"Well would you mind, please, sticking to the script?"

"Ok"

"Good," Rachel beamed at her audience and sang out

_I'm glad we have this new technology_

_**For porn, **_oops

_Which gives us untold opportunity _

_**For porn, **_sorry

_Right from your own desktop_

_**For p-**_

_You can research browse and shop_

_**Fo-**_

_Until you've had enough and you're ready to stop_

_**FOOOR POOOORN!**_

NOAH!

_**The internet is for porn**_

Noooo!

_**The internet is for porn**_

PUCKERMAN!

_**Me up all night honking my horn to porn porn porn!**_

"That's gross" Rachel said, the song forgotten as the rest of the club watched intently, "You're a pervert"

"sticks and stones Rachel"

"No really, you're a pervert. Normal people don't sit at home watching porn on the internet."

"Ooooh?" Puck mocked, "Yo, 'normal people'" he said to the glee club "show of hands, who here has never ever watched internet porn?"

No one moved. No one raised a hand. Even Mr. Schue blushed sheepishly.

"Wait," Brittney said, "Porn is like that movie we made last week, right Sanny?"

"See?" Puck said to Rachel. Then he turned back to the club and strummed his guitar, "Lemme hear it guys!"

The whole club (besides Rachel and Schue) sang along

_**The Internet is for porn**_

_**The internet is for porn**_

_**All these guys unzip their flies for porn porn porn**_

Rachel looked thoroughly disgusted and shouted, "The internet is not for porn!"

_**Porn porn**_

"Ewwwww!"

_**The internet is for porn**_

"Gross"

_**The internet is for porn**_

"I hate porn"

_**Grab your **** and double click for**_

_**PORN PORN PORN**_

"I'm leaving"

_**Pooorn, poorn**_

"I hate the internet"

_**The internet is for**_

_**Internet is for**_

_**Internet is for porn!**_

And for the first time ever, Rachel's exit earned her a standing ovation.

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><p>Later that night found Rachel huffily glaring at Puck over Skype.<p>

"Do I have too" she whined

"Yes, that was the bet. You knew what you were getting into; time for Rachel berry to get down and dirty."

"Fine." Rachel frowned, closing the video call; she moved her mouse to the link Puck had sent her and double clicked.

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><p><strong>AN: **The end =D for those of you who are confused about Rachel's reaction when puck walked in, she didn't know what he had planned. She thought they would just be harmonizing about the internet. In my mind Rachel is too innocent to have seen Avenue Q. Anyways, hope you liked it and don't think I'm creepy for writing this. Reviews are love 3


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